Throwback

Last year for my big sis wedding serving black girl magic!
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Chapter 2016. Page 365.

 

This time last year everything was different. I was very excited to be going into the new year because New Years day has always been one of my favorite holidays coming in third to Thanksgiving and my birthday of course. When the clock strikes 12 you get that feeling of a fresh start, a reset.

I was so ready, my goals and plans had been all lined up, I had just come out of a terrible funk and was ready to grab this year by the horns. It was gonna be a year to remember. A great year. that. it was.

What a year. Even though it was great I couldn’t be more happy that this one is over. It is in the past but it will always remain with me as the year I overcame obstacles head on. A day wont go by in my future life without a memory from this year crossing my mind. both good and bad. It really was one of my most important years for growth and coming into womanhood. The year started off with an unexpected breakup and displacement that had my goals and plans looking harder to achieve and we were only one month in. I was forced to do something I had trouble with (because independency) reach out for help. I was rewarded in a tremendous way. (lesson of 2016: its ok to ask for help)

A few years ago I had already gone through a phase of “finding myself” so this year was different. It was like a test of my strength, strength in God and strength in myself. It was about growth, stepping out of my comfort zone, leaving bad habits behind, closing doors to open new opportunities. (lesson of 2016: learn to say no, for my sake) I strengthened my mind and my spirituality, I really began believing in myself, making sure I paid close attention to my thoughts. I also became more dedicated to loving myself and my body and during the process, I lost 25 pounds. Well you know my confidence skyrocketed and this process we love to call “the glo up” was set in motion. With a “idgaf about your opinion of me, I love who I am” attitude I felt like the shit (in the most humble of ways) It was like this new KB had emerged and was more than ready to leave the past in the past and move forward.

In 2016 one of my close friends got married and I got to  be a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding. Oh yea and I chopped all my hair off and have been rockin a bad ass cut ever since. I moved out, and got my own spot. Traveled to the Dominican Republic for my birthday and I gained 3 (yes three, my lucky number) beautiful and supportive sister circles not only that I needed but are very thankful to have. I lost a few friends in the process but such is life, as difficult as it may be I learned to embrace the good with the bad, and realize that everything happens for a reason, because you never know what opportunities may present themselves once one door closes.

I also got the opportunity to go to a few concerts. I saw my obsession (Kid Cudi) not ony once but twice this year.(He’s so much better in person) I saw 2 powerful women who delivered 2 unforgettable (and emotional) albums and didn’t give a FUCK what anybody thought about them (Beyonce and Rihanna) and a host of other artists I’ve never seen before like: Anderson.paak, Sango, Future, Rae Shremmurd, Goldlink and a few I’ve seen before like The Internet, Jhene Aiko and Schoolboy Q.

2016 had plenty of great laughs. I’ve worried myself into headaches and I’ve cried more tears in the last 365 days than in the 27 years prior. I haven’t cried this much since 2010 (the other year that will go down in history) I’ve cried tears of joy and have bawled in sorrow. There were days where it hurt so much I didn’t know how I could make it. All that matters is that I did, and coming out of 2016  I feel like I want to yell “IT DON’T MATTER WHAT YOU TRIED TO DO, YOU COULDN’T DESTROY ME! I’M STILL STANDING! I’M STILL STRONG! AND I ALWAYS WILL BE.” (from Antwone Fisher)  So with all the lessons I’ve learned and memories I’ve made in 2016 it is now its time to make new memories in a new year. 2017 will be a great year. 2016 taught me well

Law of attraction

“what you seek, is seeking you”

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Everyone has heard the phrase “watch what you tell yourself, because your thoughts become actions” but this phrase didn’t impact me as much as it did this year when I really started becoming aware of my thoughts. I’ve always been an advocate for “positive vibes” and trying to remain positive no matter what life throws your way because I know that positive thoughts yield positive results while thinking negativity can keep you from obtaining the things you want in life. If you say and believe things like “it will never work out or I’m not good enough” the universe hears it and returns it to you, hence whatever it is will not work out and you will not be good enough.
Whether we realize it or not we are responsible for the influences (positive or negative) we bring into our lives. Every positive or negative event that has happened to you was attracted to you, for example if your friend gave you money when you didn’t have it, you attracted it, or when a co-worker gave you a hard time, you attracted that too.
  “Ask, Believe, Receive”
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Attraction goes deeper than just positive and negative, you can attract different types of people to you but you can also attract the same types of people to you as well. For example if you know you have a pattern of dating people who ain’t shit, or are abusive, or  you just manage to always end up in dysfunctional relationships, believe it or not you attracted that. Take it from Drake with his “I always fall for your type” statement if you keep thinking that way, you will constantly be in a never-ending cycle, constantly attracting the same types of individuals into your life all the while wondering why. (And because drake puts his love life out there, we see that he always dates the same types of women and they always end the same way). Nothing is a coincidence you attracted all the people who were in your life and left, are in your life at this very moment, and the ones still to come. Somewhere you hoped or prayed for these people or you subconsciously needed them.
In terms of attracting a certain people in your life, we attract who we want and what we want. If you apply the law of attraction to get what you want the other person won’t know why they are attracted to you…it’ll just be your energy, so they’ll be attracted to you but they won’t understand why. Some of the time these people only stay around for as long as there is a need for them other times these people only stay around for a season to teach us something.
With that being understood….here are some personal stories
Over the summer is where I first began to notice a lot of “weird” things started happening, and not realizing these weird things was just my awareness of the world around me becoming clearer . Everything I began to think of started to come to fruition, from the next song that played on my phone to the people who began showing up in my life. I asked my brother about it and he said research “the law of attraction” and when I did so much began to make sense. I  even began speaking things out loud, like on my way to Trillectro, a Kid Cudi song came on my playlist and I told my friend “I really want him to perform this” and when he performed it me and my friend couldn’t help but look at each other in astonishment. (This was real it actually worked)
Another time, as I was walking around my favorite cool-out spot and I was on the phone with my friend discussing how much I enjoyed coming to see the turtles here but that I wanted my own turtle. The next day (I lie to you not) I found a baby turtle.
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After getting out of my previous relationship I knew I wasn’t ready to jump back into another one just yet because there was a lot of healing, self-improvement and growth to be done. So I took the necessary time to myself to manifest not only what I had lost but also what I needed, all the while continuing to study this law of attraction. One day while on the phone with my sister Kee, she mentioned that she had a feeling someone would come into my life over the summer, as a little fling to ‘take my mind off things’, and being the intuitive person that she is, she has never been wrong.(I couldn’t help that I was still a little skeptical because my roster was at the time non-existent) Little did I know I subconsciously began creating this person that would come ‘take my mind off things’ and at the time not knowing just how much power was behind my thoughts as well as hers. I began speaking/thinking about the different traits and features I wanted this person to embody, so they could be beneficial to me. Low and behold around the beginning of June one of  my guy friends I had a crush on from my past started following me on one of my social media platforms, I acknowledged it but didn’t make a big deal out of it. A few weeks later he slid in my DM’s  and it was on from that point. As we started talking more and getting to learn each other I began to realize that this guy had some of the exact traits of the  person I had manifested without realizing it and it was then that I noticed just how real my energy was. What I didn’t know at the time was why I had attracted this person and the impact they would have on me. I didn’t know this person would end up bringing out positive traits I needed that had been suppressed from my previous relationship or that they would give me a chance to express my emotions and share information I hadn’t been comfortable doing  before now.
With the law of attraction, you will attract everything you require, including, wealth, health, people, increased happiness, connections…etc so if you ever want to try it out here are a few things to keep in mind:
  • Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting 
  • You are like a magnet (like attracts like) you become and attract what you think
  • Your thoughts send out energy
  • Everything is energy..EVERYTHING
  • People think about what they don’t want and attract more of the same
  • Thought = creation. If the thoughts are attached to powerful emotions (good or bad) that speeds the creation
  • Your thoughts cause your feelings
  • When the opportunity or impulse is there..ACT
  • When you see things you don’t want, don’t think, talk or write about them,  remove your thoughts from “don’t wants”..and place them on “do wants”
  • There are no rules on time, the more aligned you are with these positive feelings, the quicker it’ll happen

 

To learn more, check out the best-selling  book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne

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The Gardener

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It takes a shit load of growth to recognize
that inside a genuine heart can spout
an evil seed.
Life is rough and more often
than not, without fair warning, one is
transformed. They are subtle changes, the
kind that others will often recognize before
we do. It takes a shit load of growth to own
the person who you wanted to be.  Oh dear
humans, we are flawed. Oh so fucking
flawed. In our quest to fulfill goals and
dreams we become tainted. We have to
tend to the garden of our hearts and yank
out the emotional weeds.

The motherly.

When I was a little girl
scraped knees would incur
the worst of my pain
“don’t worry, love”
my mother would say
as she’d wipe tears from my eyes
“it is far from your heart”
as I grew older
I carried her words with me
as a reminder that I could always surpass the afflictions
I was faced with; but most days now,
it seems as though I’m growing weaker,
and the universe is getting better aim.
~
when I was a younger woman
heartbreak would occur
the worst of my pain.
“stay strong, love”
my mother would say
as she let the tears fall from my face.
“let your tears run their course”
I carried her words with me
as a reminder that every experience
be it sweet or sour has a course to run.
so on days when you my daughter feel weak,
remember you too must let things
run their course.

A Mothers Love. (late mothers day post)

32233444-Happy-Mothers-Day-Stock-VectorMotherhood is such a wonderful thing, and even though I am not a mother yet, nor do I desire to be one at this current moment,  I’ve been observing the women who are mothers and greatly admiring them. See because I already know that I am equipped with what it takes to not only be a phenomenal woman and wife, but an extraordinary mother as well. (I’ve also been told this by numerous people)  and I’ve learned from the best (thanks to my own mother) I also have a God daughter who will be turning 4 next month( I still can’t believe it) she is so intelligent and so aware and so loving. She means the world to me. I love kids and that’s why I love my job, not always the politics of the job but I love coming in every morning, and seeing their little faces and learning new things about them everyday including how they communicate, with actions and words as well as how they learn and how they love. But when dealing with kids we also have to interact with parents. So a couple weeks ago for mothers day we had a sip and paint event where the moms and dads could come and eat cookies and cake and drink tea with their kids and afterwards paint with them. What I loved the most about this event was not only the amount of parents that came out to support but also the love and patience I witnessed. One mommy stuck out to me the most. She has three children that attend the center and she made sure she spent equal time with them, but her son is in my class. As I walked around and helped facilitate the paint event I noticed how she took time to eat the cake with him and talk to him about his day and the patience she had when it came time to paint (she was still in her work clothes mind you) how patient she was with him even though she mentioned that they had to get ready to leave. I love the love I see my friends and other mother’s give their children. I love the mental strength they have to have when it comes to dealing with young children. I love how they push them, encourage them and teach them the real life lessons at such a young age (like how to speak in complete sentences), I love how they do their best because they know someone is always looking up to them. Getting to experience all this now just let’s me know even more that when I have  my little raisinetes, offspring, mini me’s, children ( I want 3) that I will be an excellent mommy because I learned from the best!